2020
2020.
Despite all of its hardships, it gave me time to accomplish my resolutions for the year, whether I meant to or not. At the same time, 2020 brought me more tears, questions, emotions, anxiety, hurt, growth, strength, identity, and appreciation, more than I have ever had before. All of this was basically a byproduct of COVID. I am lucky and thankful to say that most of my pain did not stem from covid effects but it was more about having to deal with the tough times that came along with it.
My patience was tested, I wanted to be proactive but felt complacent, I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing what I wanted to, I was at constant war between my head and my heart, and for the first time ever I felt and understood anxiety. In fact, I never understood it before, actually I didn’t understand how people had anxiety. This year gave me perspective for what it is and how uncontrolling it can make you feel. When anxious about the virus I found it hard to breathe, when there was nothing to do but wait around I felt I couldn’t focus on anything but at the same time I needed to do everything, when I wasn’t able to do what made me feel strong and most like me I felt weak and insecure, which only caused me more worry.
2020 forced me to focus on emotions I didn’t want to, but 2020 also taught me once again who I am. The first 6 to 9 months of this past year were constant roller coasters. One day ‘happy’ meant sitting outside in the sun and reading a book, the next day it was frustration and still, the next day maybe more waiting for good news, and one day would feel like a little bit of normalcy just for that door to slam in my face.
On top of all of my internal emotion and conflicts we all felt the weight of our world on our shoulders too. It was a lot to handle, I know each and every person faced their own personal struggles this year, it seemed as if anything that was bound to be bad just happened all in this year.
Here is what I learned and have appreciated the most however about this year.
Feel each happy moment deeply. Take some deep breaths to slow down in the moment. Enjoy each laugh, smile, hug, and each positive conversation. Who knows what the next day brings so in the moment, ‘Be where your feet are.’ — “ Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” - Omar Khayyam
Pursue the stuff that makes YOU feel good. Immersing myself in these things make me feel powerful, worthy, unstoppable. No amount of comparison, struggle, or outside force can stop you from enjoying those emotions from doing what you love. — “ Doing what you love is never a waste of time.”- Curate Well Co.
Just because an issue or struggle you have isn’t as detrimental as someone else’s doesn’t make it any less important. A lot of times this year I felt guilty for feeling like I was having a hard time because my issues weren’t even comparable to other people who were really really facing struggles and loss each day. However, it is not fair for you to discredit something that hurts your heart. Craig Groeschel preached about this, WAYYY back in January, but he put mental strain or hurt in comparison to a physical injury. We take steps to recovering when we are hurt, but when it comes to our heart and our head, we continue living life at full pace and never address it or allow ourselves the time to heal.
Sit outside. Listen to the birds, slow down, feel the sun on your face, read a book. —“When you consciously slow down and deepen your breath, you are letting your body know that it is okay to trust this present moment.” - Yumi Sakugawa
If you need to cry, cry. Don’t hold back emotion in order to avoid pain. The longer you hold onto it the harder it becomes to carry and the more it takes away from the rest of your life.
Romanticize your life. Make each day exciting and feel good. Most days won’t always be what you want them to be, but find ways to incorporate something that makes you happy. Personally, it’s making or taking a coffee to go or before an errand or taking the long and pretty way home, seems small, seems silly, but it makes me happy and that’s what matters. — “You gotta start romanticizing your life. You got to start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. You have to, because that’s when you start truly living. That’s when you look forward to each day.”
Find time away from a screen. This year showed us how hard life seemed when constantly consumed by social media and news. I got sucked in and it made me realize I was basically living two lives. When I was in the moment, talking with others, watching my brothers play baseball, working out, on a walk, whatever it was, I was happy, I was relaxed, almost carefree. But the minute I opened my phone, I felt instant disappointment. Comparison, overwhelming news, constant updates. And then returning back to life no longer felt as important or as special as it should be.
Even in the times that feel like constant waiting, it is not empty time. Your time will come, keep working, ENJOY THE PROCESS. For me it has been in my reporting. It is all I wanted to do back when the world stopped. Now I take every single opportunity and feel it so deeply. I appreciate them so much more and use them to grow and learn at every chance I can. The waiting makes you appreciate the moment. —“You will get there. But right now you are here, and it is wonderful.”- Walk the Earth
I have learned there is no pain without purpose. This year has shown me so much of this, but I have learned there will be a lesson and reason for all of it.
The last few months of this year I felt stronger, worthy, appreciative, and the most myself I have in a long while and I plan on taking it in with me in 2021. If I have learned anything from 2020 is that we never know what tomorrow looks like, but for right now I do know 2021 is a big year.
2021,
The year my soccer playing career comes to an end. My last two seasons are planned to happen this year, bringing my 18 years of playing soccer to a close this November. By this time next year I am no longer a college athlete. Believe me, typing this brings a lump to my throat, tears in my eyes. I have never known a life without it and it scares me a little bit, but I know I am going to enjoy every high and low of it this year no matter what it means. I owe so much of me to soccer and the experiences and people it's brought me.
2021,
The year Kysen goes to college. Our mountain boy is finally headed to the mountains. I am so excited for him. I know he will be tentative and nervous, he won’t be sure how to feel about it for a little while, but I think he will start to find himself and his buddies. It is going to challenge him but he is going to grow up even more so fast. Timing does work out pretty well in my favor here that by the time his first season rolls around I will be in my final semester of college and I will be able to visit him, watch him play, and see the mountains. I know his coaches have big goals for him and I am so proud and excited of him and even more for what is on the horizon for him.
2021,
The year Daxy gets to play high school baseball with KB. The year he gets to play for his high school and also for the high school program at BC and pretty quickly start his recruiting journey. This is also the year Daxy becomes the only kiddo in the house. I love how close he and KB are and I know him leaving may be hard for him for a little bit but I also think he will grow up so fast. Kysen and I both being gone, may give him more appreciation for us two and the close relationship we have as siblings. I am so excited to watch him grow on his own and for him to be able to visit us and for us to come see him. Every time I see him, he has changed, so much of him has grown up, but there is a good portion of him that is still a little boy. I hope he holds onto that charm but starts to step into himself and his potential.
2021,
The year that I am going to commit to loving and finding pure joy in working out. This past month it has been something I don’t want to go a day without. I’ve become addicted to the strength, the confidence, the drive, and the feeling working out hard has brought me. As much as I do it for how it makes me feel I want to really look strong this year. It is how I feel on the inside and I want to continue to work and fuel myself to look it too, for no one else, but myself.
2021,
The year I grow and progress in my sports reporting journey. I want to take every opportunity, meet as many people as I can, learn as much as there is possible, strengthen my connections, do more interviews, continue my KC kids series when there is down time, grow our club and our opportunities. I want to create big ideas and follow through with them. I also hope to have a summer internship, one that teaches me, reinspires me each day, and shows me the ins and outs of what a career like this looks like.
2021,
The year I appreciate and run with my creativity and love for all forms of art. I love taking pictures and I want to focus on how I see things more. There is beauty and art in simplicity and I love to capture that. I want to do something with the ideas that I have, the images I take, the inspiration I find. This year I want to embrace this part of me. I love incorporating bits of creativity into my day to keep it light-hearted and passionate, I hope to find time each day to do this.
2021,
The year that I make morning routines a healthy habit. I want to start each day with a glass of lemon water, wake myself and my body up. I want to read, journal, and pray while I enjoy my coffee. Wake before the sun, feel productive, start the day with a positive and thankful mindset. Make it a habit and see how it impacts my life.
2021,
The year that I extend a hand. If the year allows us, I want to enjoy more coffee dates, more FaceTime calls, more dinners, and connect with others. This year really separated us and if the year allows I want to be able to enjoy others' company, have more impactful conversations, and talk about stuff that matters. I want to find ways to create and collaborate with others and what makes them tick.
2021,
The year I continue to learn and educate myself. I read 4 books this year, as that may seem a very small number to you, it was the first time I have read and enjoyed it. Reading for so long had always seemed like a school assignment, with this year, I had days where I had absolutely nothing else to do, so I sat in the sun and fully found myself obsessed with the story I was reading. I found a new appreciation for reading this year and I am looking forward to continuing that this year. I want to listen to more podcasts, to learn, for perspective, for inspiration. In addition, this year we were all challenged to be better. Just because things have always been a certain way, doesn’t make them the right way. I learned a lot this year on topics that I have never considered before and I want to continue to watch, listen, and read more about how we can continuously make this world a better place.
